Someone asked me if I meant to title “Just Pure Lovely” ungrammatically correct. If it were in a sentence, it should be “just purely lovely,” she said. Right. But Just Pure Lovely is three words…
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”
Philippians 4:8
I’m a fixer—a fixer-upper. Maybe that’s not the right wording. Unfinished projects don’t bother me (enjoying the process is often my goal, not the final product). But in relationships, I want to – need to – fix things or I feel I’ll lose my mind. Unsettled matters unsettle me. So when a friend of the past few years sent an email full of accusations on Christmas Eve (of all the imperfect timing), I wanted to fix it. Instead, the email accusations continued over the entire month of January, extending into a broader friend circle, and as much as I tried to take it and forgive and forget, the whole ordeal got to me.
I’m obsessive. Obsessive over things I cannot fix. I was so absorbed in wishing I could get my friend to ask questions, to assume the best before the worst, that I had the hardest time letting go of the matter once I realized that it was not something I could not fix. It affected everything – the house (a mess! I was staring at my email inbox too often), the children (I couldn’t hear them over the loud thoughts in my head), and my marriage (“Please forget about it,” he said, referring to ‘the problem,’ but I couldn’t. My mind wouldn’t).
For about five weeks this went on, until, nearly berserk, a childhood memory of Philippians 4:8 came to mind, and along with that, I remembered that I’d heard that “every action begins with a thought,” and “every thought can be changed.” More importantly, we can only think one thought at a time (try it!). So I decided – a mind-focusing, conscious decision – that every time I’d think of the injustice of my friend’s accusations, I’d change the thought to something “true” or “noble” or “just” or “pure” or “lovely.”
The first day, I had to change my thoughts, oh, probably 2,300 times. Each day, though, my thoughts wandered less to the negative and more to the positive. (During this time, I heard of Corrie ten Boom who said that thinking of an injustice done to her was like “gonging a bell,” each gong only serving to keep her mind on the accusations. When she learned to stop gonging the bell – choosing to stop thinking about it and think of something else instead – the gonging eventually lessened, until she could hear the bell no more).
Part of my self-prescribed thought therapy included starting this blog, where I’d be me. I’d focus on the, well, just pure lovely things in my life. It seems that there is no point in trying to be someone else, so I may as well be me as best I can. I started posting photos that I’d never posted on my former blog because I don’t really know what I’m doing with a camera, sharing crafty things that I’d never posted because I’m really not great at any of them, and – although this one is still tough for me; transparency is scary – I’d share thoughts I have about life and kids and marriage and whatever else.
Today, another new friend tossed me an accusation-assumption email, unrelated to the other one, but still accompanied by a loss-of-breath-from-the-blow effect.
My first thought was that email stinks for telling friends what you think of them. My second thought was that assuming anything about anyone if you’re not willing to ask even a single question is not fair. My third thought was more of a deep, sudden desire to move to 200 acres, plop myself in the middle of them, and lose all contact with every soul on the face of the earth. I logged onto UnitedCountry.com to find such a place (it exists).
Before more than a few hours went by, I remembered that old Bible verse again and decided to change my thoughts to things more pleasant, more just pure lovely.
Since I’d recently seen old childhood pals on our vacation up North, my “just pure lovely” thoughts went to them. These are friends who I hadn’t seen in many years, but with whom I share such a deep connection (sharing a childhood at a boarding school does that) that I know I could call any of them at any time of day or night and they’d be there for me.
Friends I’d walk 5,000 miles toward, knowing they are walking 5,000 miles my way, too, simply because I said I needed them to do it.
Even when I do something wrong they assume that I meant to do right.
Friends like these are a few of the many Just Pure Lovely things in my life, and a good place to start thinking when days like today happen.
So, anyway, that’s how this blog was named, and that’s why I tend to post about the fuzzy, sweet, pretty things in life. I’m not always so peppy, but I think the world would be so much happier if we did at least try to think about the just, the pure, and the lovely things more often than not.
Especially about each other.
Thank you.
After complaining for two days to one friend about how a different friend takes so much more than she gives, your post today settles well with me.
Today my oldest leaves for summer camp for his first time. Today I am focused only on things just pure and lovely.
Hey Sweet daughter…your mom wanted to get on a plane so I could hug you bunches. You are amazing and GOD loves you even more than I do. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and keep on looking to the pure lovely things in life.
Thank you Lori.
I have been reading the blog for a long time now, it has been the few minutes of the day needed to get me focused on what my mind should focus upon.
It’s nice to know that the vibe intended is pure.
May you always find the just pure lovely in your days.
The power of our thoughts is really mind-boggling, isn’t it? Thanks for the reminder. I love that every time I see your blog now, it will remind me to think above the mess of life and focus on the just, the pure and the lovely.
Philippians 4:8 is one of my favorite Scriptures in the Bible. It reminds me of my grandfather who used to quote it every time that he “testified” in church. I think that it was one of the first Scriptures that I ever memorized as a little girl. Thanks for sharing the inspiration behind your blog’s name – lovely post!
Lori,
This post is exactly why your blog is one of my favorites.
I turned to my scriptures on your behalf this morning. I was so sure that Paul had said something about being falsely accused, but I couldn’t find it.
I did find this, however: 1 Peter 4:12-13 and it lifted my heart. I hope it does yours as well.
Thanks for sharing all of that – what a wonderful way to focus on the positive 🙂
I love the name!! Funny you should mention all this today, this morning during my quiet time I read this exact verse. I added it to my collection of verses to remember (and have the children to memorize). I look forward to your blog each time I see it. You are an inspiration to me.
What encouraging words, Lori– THANK YOU.
And I wouldn’t have thought to associate your blog title with that verse– it really is a fantastic verse. Very cool connection! It really is so hard to think on the right things… but it is a conscious effort and God definitely knows what He’s talking about when He tells us to do that!
I’m sorry you’ve had a rough time with “friends” of late… True friends, good friends would always assume the BEST of you. Praying that God sends you the best of friends that aren’t quite as far away as having to walk 5,000 miles. 😉
It’s the first time I get to see the blogger up front. You are lovely! When I saw that verse, I knew somehow that’s where you got the title of your blog.. but, I don’t know the entire story. I love your personality. You would be someone I would invest into getting to know more. I usually don’t just pick friends out of the blue and I don’t go out of my way to just see if this friendship will blossom. That’s why I have very very few. But the ones I have, I knew I could count on them no matter what.
I’m glad I found your personal blog. Love your writing. Inspiring!
Lori,
I feel I “know” you after following your blog for many years now. I am astonished that someone as lovely (pun intended) as yourself would ever be the object of a fiery email. But alas, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? And often the problem lies in the sender … the receiver of such an email is not diminished in lovliness just because someone is lacking it.
I am going through something different yet similar with friends who value our friendship so little that they can wash their hands of it without ever looking back. It’s hurtful, and puts me right where you found yourself the first time around.
And so I thank you for reminding me to focus on the just, the pure, and the lovely … so easy to find in my household of one wonderful husband and seven beautiful children. God is so good to me, and thank you for the reminder not to forget that.
I really, really wish I could send you a hug.
Natalee Ziebro
Girl, you are so incredibly awesome. God has used your new blog to touch SO many lives, including my own. My life has been touched and changed through you and I thank you for it. I thank you for your diligence in your daily walk with Christ and in sharing some most personal things with us. May God so richly bless you and keep you. When you come under attack, remember that the Attacker only comes when threatened. That just means you are accomplishing God’s Mighty will so thoroughly that it scares the devil!
We love you, Lori!!!
… how precious to see such familiar faces!! 🙂 And I’m guessing that the kiddos at the top, at least one of them has to be Denise’s… I even recognized the little one from the back! 🙂
Thanks for a thought provoking post full of Truth!! Last year was very much like that for me… trying / OBSESSING over fixing a relationship… You are a precious beautiful woman. Thanks for sharing some of yourself with us.
Renee
I have loved reading your blogs! And though we haven’t seen each other in a very long time, what you write makes me smile and want to be a better mom and wife. Thank you!
I, too, find myself distracted by issues that I can’t resolve. It is quite a task for me to focus on the beauty in my life at times. However, that is what life is all about – appreciating the blessings that God has bestowed upon us. Know that even though I have not met you in person, your Just Pure Lovely blog as well as your Freely Educate blog have been a source of joy to me and you are an inspiration.
Philippians 4:8 is such an appropiate passage to live our lives by. You are such a beautifuly person – inside and out. I hope that you find joy and peace to fill all your days.
Thank you for this post! I have really been struggling with an issue with a friend and it too has been in my thoughts WAY too much! I needed to read this.
Blessings,
Tina
Good point!