I’ve paused the email campaign for this site (hey, 12 subscribers!), because I need to do something for me , without worrying about what anyone thinks or who is reading it.
What I need to do for me, is: figure out who I am again.
I realize, this is something twenty-year-olds do, and something we did already at 20. At twenty, it was clear what I wanted to do: I was going to help the world through nursing or writing, and I was going to have a family and a home.
Two decades later, I’ve accomplished that – I have had a family and we have a house we call home and I’ve written on a few sites and blogs since the Internet was just begun. I think I’ve helped the world in a small way, at least through our children if not also through my sites.
I’m at the now what? phase of life. Many of our peers are simply giving into old age (why do people think they’re old after 39!?). I don’t think God has left me on this Earth this long, so I can just settle into life and stop being a productive member of society. I think I have much to offer yet (and so do you!), but I need to find my message, my purpose beyond this family (my permanent priority). I need to find my content.
With the kids grown or nearly grown (the youngest is 16), and with the topic on my main blog changing (and with no interest in keeping up with new trends in homeschooling, a thing I’ve mastered for our own and don’t care to relearn), and with the noise, the incessant noise on the Internet — does anyone really need yet. another. person. making noise?
I’ve spent all Summer asking myself and God questions along those thoughts. Three months later, I haven’t found answers yet.
So….I made a decision. I’m just going to publish here on this self-named site what I like, what I’m doing, maybe, what I’m thinking, possibly — I don’t actually know yet. I hope through publishing regularly, I’ll:
- return to a habit of pursuing life intentionally and of publishing what I learn regularly, and
- find my new message, the one I have to give the world as a 40-something mom of almost-grown kids, with a long future ahead of me to pursue…what? haha! I don’t know yet!
If you’re on this journey with me, I welcome you! For now, you’ll be a silent observer. I need to keep comments closed and the newsletter paused while I figure myself out. It’s the only way I can keep my mind free. I’m trying to hear that still, small voice (yes, God’s) and cannot when I hear other voices, or worry over being misunderstood. I hope that’s okay with you.